Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Top 10 Reasons Commissioner Maxwell Has a Gorbachev Tattoo on His Forehead and His Teeth Are Wired Together

This is something I passed out at the Douglas County Board meeting yesterday. The truth was too boring, so I cooked up some alternative scenarios. Additional suggestions are welcome.

10. He stopped by Marc Kraft’s house to welcome him to the race. (Marc, whom I consider a friend, is running against me for the County Board.)

9. He put a “Rush Is Right” bumper sticker on Commissioner Boyle’s car. (Mike has a bumper sticker that says, "I Miss Richard Nixon," in the same way that conservatives "miss" the Soviet Union.)

8. He dared Commissioner Rodgers to try to dunk on him. (Former Creighton U. basketball player.)

7. He suggested to Commissioner Hutchings that he re-grow his mustache. (A mini-controversy from years gone by.)

6. He invited the County Assessor to a party at the Witherspoon Mansion. (The Assessor and the County Board have been scrapping over the valuation of the Witherspoon Mansion.)

5. He said “good morning” to Rick Kubat. (Nice guy legal counsel for the Board.)

4. He brought Starbucks coffee to an event for Commissioner Tusa. (Pam owns her own coffee shop, "Tusa Blends.")

3. He invited Commissioner Duda to join the Intercessors of the Lamb. (Quasi-religious lay group presenting problems in Clare's district.)

2. He told R.J. Brown that Douglas County was going to annex Carter Lake. (R.J. is the guy in the yellow plaid sport court who was a regular at City Council and County Board meetings until he moved to Carter Lake, Iowa.)

1. He told Commissioner Borgeson that Mayor Fahey needed her College World Series tickets to host out-of-town experts on city-county merger. (The Mayor led the effort to annex Elkhorn, which Mary Ann opposed; she loves the CWS; she opposes merger.)

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